Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
