I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
