your parents love me but you hate me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
