i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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