I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Shame is for Republicans.
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