Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
