Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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