White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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