I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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