I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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