Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
