Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
