I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
