I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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