dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
