Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
