you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
