my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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