the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
