My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
