We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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