What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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