i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
