I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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