I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
