I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
