Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
