ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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