I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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