I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
