I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
