i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
