The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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