guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
