i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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