I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
