I'm lost and stupid without you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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