Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
