yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
