You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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