I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize