Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
