I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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