There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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