I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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