I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize