so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
