the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
