I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
