For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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