last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize