508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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