Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
