shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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