yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i out mim tonsoeep
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