What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
