ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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