you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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