i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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