Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
