The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
