I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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