I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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