Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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