dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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