yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
