I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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