also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
