You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
