I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize