how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
